He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
