found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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