Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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