All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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