Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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