Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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