She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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