just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
