Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
