May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
