It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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