i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
