u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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