i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
