i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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