So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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