she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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