My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
