I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
