oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
