Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
