haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
high people should be assigned attendants
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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