'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
