I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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