Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
