the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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