When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my shit smells like andre
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
