Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
