i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's blow job season.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
