How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
