you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
