maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
