if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
