I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
