oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
