She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
