it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
