let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
