and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize