I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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