Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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