Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
