You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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