I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
