no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
