I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
