No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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