He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
