they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
