so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
