a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
