That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
