That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
