i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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