I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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