Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
