Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
