is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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