I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
babies were throwing up all over the place
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize