Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
