He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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