I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
