Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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