so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
