theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
