bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
