This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
