Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
