Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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