Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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