Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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