You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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