Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
