Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
