I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
