his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
