I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
