my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
