where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
