CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
