My underwear smells like fireworks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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