I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
