I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
