I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
